The Upside of Selfishness

I was ruminating in the shower the other day about my freedom. As a single male with adequate financial means and no relationship of a romantic nature, I am unencumbered in the pursuit of my pleasures and entertainment. Is this always a good thing? No, but as I reflected on my friends, most of whom are married and have children, I realized how much freedom I truly have. I can go to a movie anytime I want; I can dine out or drive around town for hours on end. Should my health and weather permit, I can indulge my chief pleasurable activity, golf. Aside from work and a small group I am leading that meets at my apartment, my social calendar has no requirements. I can do anything and go anywhere (within reasonable bounds, of course) that my interest and means allow.

It is not lost on me how undeniably selfish this attitude is. Lest you write me off as hopelessly self-involved, I do care about other people, and seek their company. I willingly endure discomfort or inconvenience for the greater good of fellowship. And I think that I am not unduly selfish with my time. It cannot be denied, though, that I have much freedom. This occurred to me in the context of the unlikely event I should ever procure a wife and family. My life would not be my own, my responsibilities would immeasurably increase, and my freedom would completely vanish. I would have to consult with my wife about any social engagement which I might wish to attend, or when I could choose to arrive or depart from said engagement. I would undoubtedly have to fulfill obligations to her family or friends, to accommodate her wishes and desires as I hope she would accommodate mine. But no longer would I have autonomy over my life. 

And when children come? Pah! Farewell peace and quiet, adieu solitude and freedom. My schedule would fill up with activities geared toward their appetites and activities. The relative freedom of a married couple would diminish to an even greater degree than when I first joined forces with my spouse.

Not, of course, that there wouldn’t be compensations. I have often commented on the desolate loneliness I experience, the devout wish for someone whom I can completely entrust my life and heart, inasmuch as is possible with another human being. And I do cherish a hope one day to hold my son or daughter in my arms. Additionally, the greatest counter to this is the presence of God in my life, who banishes loneliness whenever I am wise enough to turn to Him for comfort and consolation. But this entry is primarily about the lack of freedom such entanglements, blessed though they may prove, would entail. 

As I mused on this subject, it occurred to me to be thankful, therefore, for the season of life in which I find myself. If and when I find a mate and start a life together, then everything will change. I will no longer have the freedom to go and do what I want, to spend my money on things I choose solely because I choose them. The present is a gift, enjoy it while I can, was the message that deluged me as lightly as the droplets from the showerhead. 

And herein lies the lesson. God tells us in His word to live in the present. The past is done and cannot be undone. It has been paid for and put aside; wounds may not fully heal but Christ can provide solace for them. Memories are, well, all in your head. And the future? Anyone’s guess. No good worrying about what might happen, any more than you should worry about whether you can grow a couple inches or change the tenor of your voice. It’s beyond your control, by and large, and again, Father knows best. We walk through this life one step at a time and one day at a time. All we need is strength and grace and love and kindness and patience for one day. And we live each day one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time, so we really only need grace and mercy and gentleness and self-control for a second at a time. When you look at it that way, it’s not as daunting as when you think about how to live the rest of your life. 

The point of all this is to cherish each moment, each minute, each hour, each day, each week, each month, each year in that order. The present is a gift, because it is Life, and we can live Life with the Life/Truth/Way. In fact, it’s the only way to live Life, capital L, and not trudge your way through life.

One final note: isn’t it amazing how God can take something as egotistical and selfish as my initial musing, and twist it into something good and beneficial? Only God can do that. Just imagine what He can do with your life, if you let Him.